The Real Meaning of Words

English is a complicated language. Wouldn’t it be easier if words meant what they say they do, rather than mean something that they don’t actually say.

I’m sure this short guide from the fully revived The Uxbridge English Dictionary will provide an invaluable (worth nothing) and impeccable (bird proof) guide to the complexities of the English language.

Balderdash – A rapidly receding hairline.

Biology – The Science of why Women shop

Biro
- Property developer
- To purchase fish eggs

Boulangerie – To heckle underwear

Brouhaha – Jolly tea party

Candid – past tense of cando

Chairs – A toast by the Queen

Childhood – a very young gangster

Cinquecento – A hundred year old Chinaman

Ciabatta – The wookie in Star wars

Climate – The motto of the Everest climbing club

Cocoa Bean – An ex clown

Coiffeur – A pretentious drinker

Dodo – A repeat of the Simpsons.

Disconsolate – A particular embassy

Esplanade – attempting an exclamation when drunk

Eureka – B.O

Evanescent – A welshman who glows in the dark.

Extemporary – Permanent

Fecund – The one before fird.

Harlequin – One of a set of 5 mototbikes

Heathrow – A brief description of what a baggage handler does.

Hebrew – Jewish teabag

Herpes – What my wife wins prizes for at the local show

Homophobe – someone who doesn’t like the Simpsons

Increment – the opposite of excrement

ipod – optical aid for using peas

Ipswich – what you turn on your hip with

Marigold – to get rich quick

notable – to arrive at a restaurant fully booked

Online – Have done t’weekly wash (yorkshire)

Osmosis – Early Australian prophet

Pontefract – To theorise about Yorkshire

posthumous – the art of delivering Greek food by mail

property – To make the perfect cup of tea.

Retread – very red (in Yorkshire)

Satire – seated in a more elevated position.

scandal – footwear you should be ashamed of

telepathy – you can’t be bothered to turn on the TV

Varnish – to disappear in Mayfair

Xenophobia – fear of Buddhists

Foreign Phrases.

Carpe Diem – Fish of the day

Dieu et mon Droit – Bush family motto – God and me are right

Sang froid – I’m dreaming of a white christmas

From: The Uxbridge English Dictionary Seventeenth Edition (approx) Completely revived As heard on I’m sorry I haven’t a clue.

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